We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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