He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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