he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
