If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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