Apparently you make a good broom.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
