Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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