im drinking this country out of the recession.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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