eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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