you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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