I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
