Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
