he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
