areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
