there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i wish my penis had a tongue
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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