My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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