i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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