He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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