grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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