Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
