you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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