Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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