i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
