Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
