$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
