you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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