I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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