R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
