LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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