Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
