I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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