Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
