Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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