I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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