What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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