Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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