Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
