Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
