Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
