You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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