Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
