They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this just has baby written all over it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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