Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There r osticjed everywhere
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
