seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
