She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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