The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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