I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
