If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
