from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
