I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
