I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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