Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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