nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize