Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I sprained my soul last night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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