dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
