I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
