just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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