so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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