Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
