She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
