Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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