I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
