I CAN MOONWALK!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
