Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
