He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it glows. i had to have it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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