he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
