my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
