dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
