I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
