I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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