grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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