At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
