if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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