I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
