would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
