he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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