i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
