All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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